Tony

Of course, I understand the disappointment that many of you are feeling, but there was a shocking amount of outrage, which surprised me.  I will never understand the fury of some of the fans. It’s a competition based on subjective opinions, upon which there will never be a consensus, which is the only possible way for it to be, so I never quite discern from where all the anger is coming.

For those of you, you know, normal people—who have understandable confusion and a healthy amount of disappointment (as opposed to unbridled rage) because their favorite bands did not do as well as they wanted, just hang in there and I will explain, to the best of my ability, what happened and why.

Let’s begin with the story’s headline – “Dazed and Confused DSB’s the Finals.” By “DSB’s the Finals,” I’m referring to the Journey tribute, Don’t Stop Believin’, which veteran UMC fans will know, was the band who might have taken it away from Rolling the Stones last year. In fact, all three judges had them as being a favorite going into the Finals.

Alas, DSB booked a bunch of gigs over the weekend and the singer, Juan, had all but blown out his voice, plummeting them from a heavy favorite to the clear bottom position and why I now call these situations a “DSB moment.” And man, I can’t believe it happened again! Dazed and Confused, dudes! We begged you not to do that. We told all the bands, on the blog and on the mic, “rest your voices! Take the weekend off. There’s tons of money on the line, please!”

In my mind, they were the clear frontrunners. After one of the most memorable performances in UMC history, when they played the eight-minute epic, “Since I’ve Loving You,” I was sure Dazed and Confused would win first or second place. But when I ran into singer Jason in the V Lounge before the doors opened, and he told me he played four gigs over the weekend, I became concerned.

When they opened with “Nobody’s Fault,” it was evident there were going to be issues, especially with vocals. “Over the Hills and Far Away” was a good choice, but also troublesome. Ditto “Ramble On” which started off like it was going to happen, but they couldn’t seem to connect with it, as if they were lost in a dark forest of death and despair and couldn’t find their way out. Actually, it was a section of the lyrics of “Ramble On” that underscored the situation.

“T’was in the darkest depths of Mordor….” Jason sang, and yes, it occurred to me, that’s exactly where we were – where the band was – in Mordor, JRR Tolkien’s fictitious netherworld which he described as “a dying land, but not yet dead. . .  with coarse grey grass-tussocks, withered mosses and great writhing, tangled brambles.”

“The Ocean,” was another great set choice, but they were to deep in the thicket of Mordor now; there was very little they could do except wander through it aimlessly. I felt bad for them. I could see in their eyes they knew it was a miss.

The finale, their namesake, “Dazed and Confused,” had moments of pure brilliance, and the breakdown would’ve been goose-pimple inspiring – especially Joe’s guitar and bow action, and the call and answer between vocals and guitar – but, in order for a breakdown, or “come down” to deliver its full effect, it has to come down from a higher place. We have to have been emotionally soaring in order for the free fall plummet of a breakdown to do its magic on us. Alas, there was no great height from which to fall.

Of course, not everyone agreed. After the announcements were made, we had people coming up in droves to rant about Dazed getting screwed, like the drunk guy who was calling Alicia the B-word, or the ignoramopatomus who told me I had my head up my ass because Dazed had played a “perfect” set, or the funniest one of them all, a young woman – let’s call her Mad Girl – who approached the judges’ table and ranted maniacally for a good three minutes. (For your pleasure, I have transcribed her rant at the bottom of this post).

And so it went, with a lot of angry Dazed supporters, and other angry fans of other bands, giving us healthy doses of what for. And you know what? We can argue all day about which of the top three bands deserved which of the first three slots. I have heard convincing arguments for every possible ranking. And, to be totally honest, if I were an audience member, the rankings of the top three could have been rearranged in any order and I’d have had no problem with it. The differences in skills and execution level were so close; it came down to minutia and bias and which mistakes were or weren’t noticed by the judges. The only thing about which I am dead certain is how it turned out for Dazed and Confused.

The other judges concurred. We actually agreed on just about everything. We all had the same bands in the same order on our scoresheets, so I feel pretty good about how it went down, despite the angry reactions. Because, I noticed, most of the really furious fans, the ones who were inconsolable to the point of mental disease, all pretty much did the same thing. They were all able to point out the mistakes and missteps of their rival bands, but somehow neglected to notice the mistakes of their favorite band.

Because, yes, Super Magnetic was at times screechy and mussed up “Love Rollercoaster”; yes, Radio Karma flubbed “Hungry like a Wolf” and growled excessively on “Come Together”; and yes, Metallica messed up “Nothing Else Matters” and had periodic pocket issues—there were plenty of hiccups to go around. So, what made me decide which band to put in which slot? Here it is, boiled down two simple simple sound bytes for easy consumption.

1. The primary reason that I gave Super Magnetic the ever-so-slight edge over Radio Karma was because SM’s flub (“Rollercoaster of Love”) was not as bad as RK’s flub (“Hungry Like the Wolf”).

2. And the reason I gave Radio Karma the ever-slight-edge over Damage Inc. is because Radio Karma’s finale, “One More Try,” was more brilliant than Damaged Inc’s most brilliant moment (“Seek and Destroy”).

And for those who want to say, well, you don’t like Metallica music I say this. If when I die, they send me to a room in Hell in which I must listen to only one band, over and over and over again, for eternity, and  I must chose between George Michael and Metallica-you can darn well know I’d have to choose Metallica.

George Michael music typically provokes my gag reflex, but Radio Karma’s performance was spectacular. Reegeeo straight up gave me chills. It was his “Since I’ve Been Loving You” moment because it was such a dangerous, powerful, perfectly executed musical and emotional journey, one which I will never, ever forget. Of course, Damage Inc. had plenty of moments of brilliance as well. And I know and understand why they are bewildered. In fact, shortly after Mad Girl finished her rant on me, Chris Brightwell, guitarist for Damage, came up and told me, in the politest, humblest most professional manner possible, that he was astonished by the decision, that they thought they would’ve at least made second place, which I totally understand. All I can say, Chris, is that I felt Radio Karma’s performance in a rare and special way. But it in no way diminishes the brilliance of who you guys are and what you do. Because you and your band are gods of rock. You, in particular, blew me away. But more importantly, you are a solid, stand up dude. I love your attitude. You could’ve dwelled on the notion that you got robbed, but instead, you put it in the right compartment – the que sera compartment – and didn’t let it hold you hostage, nor hold it against us, which is just fantastic. It is an honor to know you, and your band – all of whom I would just love to get to know better, and hang out with some more.

And that goes for the rest. I have seriously grown to love and respect you, as people, and as musicians. I want to be friends with you all, want to come out to your shows, want to drink Rumple Mintze with you (thank you Colleen for the correct spelling of that) and basically just hang with all the people who have taken this 11 week long road trip to Rocklanta.

As Tony said last night, “It takes an army of people to make this thing work. It takes the bands, the fans, the stage crew, the bar staff, the tribe, the sponsors, The Mad Girls and of course, you guys, the Bloglodytes, my favorite people on Earth – we are all that army. So march on people. See you on the flip side.

RANDOM INTERVIEWS – As you may have noticed, last night I was walking around with a tape recorder interviewing fans, musicians, contestants, employees etc. about various topics. Here are some excerpts:

BEFORE SHOW BEGAN

1. Brad (bald bartender at Dreamcatcher): I’m pulling for Dazed and Confused. I’m an old Zeppelin fanatic though, so I’m biased.

Ed: So, take your bias out of the equation, who do you think?

Brad: I think this is the best competition we’ve had so far, and all the bands are so great, anyone can win, but again, I’m pulling for the boys.

2. Gilbert (standing in line just before doors open): It’s going to be Super Magnetic.

3. Gilbert’s wife: I don’t know, the judges like the harder stuff. It’s their age group.

4. Olin (husband to The Ornery One): I like Radio Karma and Super Magnetic.

Ed: Who do you think will win?

Olin: I think either of the rockers will win because the judges like rockers.

5. Jason (Dazed and Confused singer, who I ran into at V-Lounge before doors opened):

Ed: What’s going on in your mind right now before the show?

Jason: Trying to have nothing go through my mind before the show – that’s the key

Ed: What’d you think about the event as a whole?

Jason: It was an amazing experience. Win or lose, it was a great thing to be a part of.

6. Willow (my wife, sitting at V-Lounge before show, after talking to Jason of Dazed and Confused): It’s going to be Damage, Dazed, Super Magnetic and Radio Karma

Ed: Why?

Willow: Damage Inc. is perfect at what they do. Super Magnetic is good but will probably flub up somewhere. Jason not going to have his chops because he just got done saying he played four gigs over the weekend and Radio Karma always does something to screw themselves up.

Dave Patrone (Judge #1): I think every band will come in 3^rd and whoever does the unexpected will come in 4^th or 1^st.  I think Dazed and Confused were morons to play four shows before this one.  Unless they were for a lot of money, like 10 grand a piece or something. You need to protect your voice when you’re doing that kind of singing.

8. Sergio (Monsters of Rock guitarist and all-round swell guy): Damaged Inc. will win. I love those guys, played with them a bunch of times. Also, Dazed and Confused, those are awesome guys too. So if any of those two bands win I’ll be happy…

Ed: Any suggestions about what to improve for next year?

Sergio: At this point I wouldn’t really change anything. It’s going really good with the caliber of the bands, the honesty of the judges, the inclusion of the audience, the blog is what makes it exciting because you get to see that feedback and hear all those opinions.

AFTER THE WINNERS WERE ANNOUNCED

1. Tris (fellow bloglodyte and UMC friend and fan): I was here to support Damage, but the other three were amazing too. I tried to hold still but I couldn’t help it. They were all amazing.

2. Jason: (Damaged fan and UMC fan, has attended UMC4 every single week): The outcome was ok. I didn’t necessarily agree with Damage being in third place. I thought they should have at least come in second. There was a lot of screaming at the end for Super Magnetic. Radio Karma was tight – they belong in top two.

3. Blue (fan, in the V-Lounge, after the after party): I liked the Zeppelin band. I think they were original.

Ed: Original?!

Blue: Yeah

Ed: But they’re a cover band?!

Blue: Well, that’s my opinion

Ed: Original? You sure about that?

Blue: Yes

Ed: Ok, well, you’re entitled.

4. Alicia (Judge #2, in an Instant Message on Monday morning): The whole drive home I kept thinking if I should’ve pushed harder for Radio Karma.

Ed: I might’ve given them the win too if it weren’t for the Duran Duran song.

Alicia, Yeah, I hated “Hungry Like a Wolf,” but I also thought Super Magnetic was sloppy in their first three songs.”

Ed: I wouldn’t say “sloppy” I would just say they were not as tight as usual.

What was your problem with Damage?

Alicia: My problem with Damage was completely technical. The vocals were the weakest I’ve heard by them so far. Also, I had some issues with the drummer playing consistently behind the beat, while the other 3 guys were on top of it. It didn’t gel, especially in the last tune. Chris’s solos, however, were jaw dropping. I was so, so impressed by him and by the band’s energy and showmanship. But in the end, there was only one performance  [“One More Try”] when the singer completely committed himself physically and emotionally to the song. What I felt from Reegeeo was 100% real. He was wiping away tears. It was so, so moving.

5. And finally, the rant you’ve all been waiting for – Mad Girl:

Mad Girl approached the judges’ table and raged for about a minute before I stopped her and said, “Hold on a second, let me record this for the blog,” to which she readily agreed. So I pulled out my  recorder, turned it on, and she went off. What follows is a hilarious combination of inappropriate rage, awkward word usage and a grand finale accusation of racism that is beyond bizarre. I bring you now, in its entirety, with no commercial interruptions – The Mad Girl Outburst:

“I think the judging of this entire contest was bullshit,” she begins, already pretty good and worked up.

“Because Dazed and Confused have talent and know how to play their instruments,” she said sarcastically, as if none of the other bands have talent or can play their instruments.

“Their singer sounds so much like the singer of Led Zeppelin that …”

At this point she’s working herself into a frenzy. She begins splitting her sentences so that she could accent (read: shout) more words to get her point across.

“It’s ridiculous

That anybody

Could POSSIBLY. . . ”

And now she’s screaming, her eyeballs are about to explode out of their sockets:

“. . . NOT PUT DAZED AND CONFUSED AS THE FIRST PLACE WINNER IN THIS F__ING CONTEST!”

Then she calms down a bit, takes a breath.

“They were so good. They had the entire crowd going. I was here from the beginning, . . . ”

She’s getting agitated again and returns to talking in half-sentences:

“. . . From the start

Every band

I listened

every single tune…

To every single instrument…

To every single voice…

Possible note

of every singer . . .”

and now she’s outright yelling, red faced, bug-eyed, voice.

“. . . And there was only one!

Who hit every f__ing note!

Of every f___ing song!

Had the entire crowd going!

They f__ing rocked this place!

They ruled

This is all bullshit!”

And here comes her coup de grace – her encore:

“And, as a matter of fact

I think it’s racial!

It’s racial because the last band

happened to be

Grooving the place with the R&B,

like every other thing in the f___ing world.”

And wow, wow, wow. There is just so much going on in that outburst. And what on Earth does that last part even mean? They were “grooving the place with R&B just like every other thing in the world,” as if the world has a problem with too much R&B grooving, like you go to the grocery store and they’re grooving on R&B all day, then over to gramma’s who is grooving R&B on her Victrola , or your listening to Rock 105.3 and they’re playing groovy R&B version of Metallic music. Oh Mad Girl, don’t you know how grateful I am to have people like you in my world? The joy you bring me, the laughter – oh, please marry me Mad Girl, be my brain-dead bride?

[Author’s Note: While it is fun to have a chuckle at people like Mad Girl, it should be noted that she is not a Dazed and Confused fan, at least not until last night, and even if she was a fan, it has no bearing on the guys in the band who are great, awesome, cool, respectful and insanely talented fellows. Hope there are no hard feelings guys. Respect!].

Welcome to this week’s Judge’s Blog entry for Ultimate Music Challenge 4. If you have never been here before, please read the Introduction as it has all the pertinent information about judging, scoring, decibel meter readings blog etiquette and so forth.

SPECIAL NOTE - Thanks to Anne Craig for taking over the photography details for Paul Parks. For anyone who would like to see more of her work, or buy 8×10 photos of the bands, you can visit her Facebook page and contact her there if needed.

And now, the winner of Ultimate Music Challenge 4, semis Heat 2, are…

Dazed and Confused and Super Magnetic!

Congratulation you UMC memory makers you!

Welcome to the Monkey House is a book of short stories by one of my favorite authors, Kurt Vonnegut Jr. One of the stories, “All the Kings Men,” reminds me of these semifinals rounds.

The story centers on a U.S. Army Colonel, Bryan Kelly, whose plane has been shot down in an Asiatic jungle. With him are his two sons, his wife, the pilots and ten enlisted men. The sixteen prisoners are held captive in a small jungle villa which is controlled by a murderously insane, Chinese militant named Pi Ying. In effort to mentally torture the Colonel and his people, Pi Ying forces Kelly to play a game of chess on a giant board that sits in the courtyard of the villa. If Kelley wins, the captives go free. If he loses, they will all be executed.

Now, here’s where it gets interesting. Instead of playing with life-sized chess pieces, Colonel Kelly must use his fellow captives as pieces, while Kelly himself plays the  King, dictating the moves from his place on the board. Any “pieces” that are captured are removed from the board, taken behind the compound and shot in the back of the head. If the Colonel, or any of the captives, refuse to cooperate, they will all be tortured then shot.

At first, Kelly tries to play safe chess, meaning he avoids sacrificing or trading any pieces, with the hopes of saving every life. This approach puts him at a huge tactical disadvantage though and eventually he faces the reality that if he is going to save anyone, he’s going to have to sacrifice some lives. It all comes to crescendo when the Colonel, on the verge of defeat, sees a backdoor checkmate in two moves. The only problem?: He needs to sacrifice his son as bait for the trap.

This is exactly how I feel about these semifinals. I feel like I have to sacrifice three of five extraordinary bands – all of whom are top shelf performers and musicians, all of whom busted their asses to put on badass shows for us, many of whom have become my friends over the course of this event and with whom I have established real and lasting bonds which I then rewarded by taking them out back and shooting them in the back of the head.

Saying goodbye to Dead Man’s Party, Deeper Purple and Old School was not easy. Everyone was so good and it was very tough to score, thanks in part to the Monkey House factor, but also because the few mistakes that were made were so different, it was difficult to measure them against each other.

Still, measure we must. Here are the scores…

Audience Applause

It was a 5 way tie on the audience applause category, so all the bands received 10 points.

Total Scores – Definitive
(Includes judges’ scores, crowd categories and penalties)

Dazed and Confused 274
Super Magnetic – 272
Old School – 257.5
Deeper Purple – 255
Dead Man’s Party – 229

Judges’ Picks – Collective
(These are the total scores given by the judges minus any crowd related categories – to determine whom the judges collectively preferred*)

Dazed and Confused – 217
Super Magnetic –215.5
Old School – 200.5
Deeper Purple – 200.5
Dead Man’s Party – 176

[Bloglord's Note: although it was a 5-way tie in audience applause, we still gave scores for “Audience Participation” which is a number the judge applies for how much he or she thought the crowd was responding – dancing, clapping, chair-dancing etc. I subtracted those numbers from these scores because it doesn't really identify which bands the judges preferred, only who the judges think the audience preferred]

Judges’ Picks – Individual
(These are the total scores given by each judge minus any crowd related categories – to determine whom the judges individually preferred)
David Patrone

• Dazed and Confused – 72
• Super Magnetic –71.5
• Old School – 64
• Deeper Purple – 61.5
• Dead Man’s Party – 54.5

Alicia Champion

• Dazed and Confused – 72
• Super Magnetic –71.5
• Deeper Purple – 69
• Old School – 67
• Dead Man’s Party – 58

Edwin Decker

• Dazed and Confused – 73
• Super Magnetic –72.5
• Deeper Purple – 70.5
• Old School – 70.5
• Dead Man’s Party – 58

Walking around the room afterward, asking people who they think should’ve won, it seemed to be a general consensus that Dazed and Confused deserved the win but were split on Deeper Purple and Super Magnetic for second place, with Old School a sliver behind them.

I agree with that consensus. In my mind, Dazed and Confused was a no-brainer. After that, it was very difficult to decide between Super Magnetic and Deeper Purple. Unlike Sergeant Patrone’s score, who gave Super Magnetic a full 10 points more than Deeper Purple, I thought it was MUCH closer, having given Deeper Purple and Old School a mere two points less. I actually thought I gave Deeper Purple the higher score. Last night was one of those times when I don’t compare score sheets to pick a definitive favorite, rather, just graded category by category. In my head I thought I gave higher scores to Deeper Purple and was a bit surprised to see today that I gave it to Super Magnetic. Not disappointed mind you, I don’t have a problem with Super Magnetic advancing. Turns out it was the Stage Presence and Charisma categories that hurt DP on my sheet. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean that Deeper Purple didn’t have stage presence or charisma – they had a ton of it – just not quite as much as the two winning bands.

Now the people I talked to who strongly felt that Deeper Purple should have won over Super Magnetic did make some excellent points. Mostly, the complaint was song selection. Specifically, “Super Freak” and “Proud Mary”, which I agree were terrible choices. Especially “Super Freak”, which is soooo tired and right up there with “Smoke on the Water,” Freebird” and “Mustang Sally” as a song that had its soul ripped out and replaced with a metal prosthetic soul recovered from the dismantled motherboard of a corporate accountant’s computer.

As my good friend DeeBee – a UMC regular and leader of the wildly horrible Ramone’s tribute band “Hey Ho, Let’s Go” – said:

“All their talent is wasted on that song?!”

As for “Proud Mary”, well that’s just, as Patrone rightly pointed out, a terrible song. At least that version is – the Tina Turner version – which is hurried and careless and typical of Tina Turner’s approach to music in general. That said, Rebecca and friends absolutely nailed it, especially the intro, which is the best part of the Tina version because it’s so smoky sexy cool, and exactly how Rebecca played it. Of course, never was Rebecca more smoky, sexy cool as when she came to the front of the stage for Chaka Khan’s “Ain’t Nobody” and sprawled out to let the crowd devour her with our eyes. I swear, in that instant, everybody in that room had courted, married and raised a family and with her in the flash forward of their minds.

After she gave us an eyeful, she slowly, coolly lowered herself off the stage, and slowly, coolly serpentined her way through the dance floor, touching people, flirting; then over to the cocktail tables, slowly, coolly, she kept coming in our direction; then finally to the judges’ table; Dave Patrone first, touching, feeling, seducing him like the wicked siren she is; then Alicia, smoky sexy touches on her back and neck, and finally me, rubbing her powerful body down my side as she cooed, “Ain’t nobody, love me bet-ter / Ain’t nobody, makes me feel this way.”

It was smoky sexy, all right, but more than that, it was hypnotizing, like a cobra slowly rising to the sound of a snake charmers pipe.

Old School was superb, probably the tightest, cleanest band of the night. The only reason I had them in 4th place is because they didn’t quite bring me to the same emotional height as the other three did. Again, I’m not saying they were playing at sea level. Old School brought me to the summit of giant mountains – such as during Tainted Love and the, um, Van Halen medley, which was smokin’ in spite of the fact that it was a medley (and yeah, Patrone was right; I didn’t recognize it as a medley at first).

Anyway, the point is that Old School, was great, just not quite as many memorable moments as some of the others. In fact, I would have to say that two of my top five most all time memorable UMC moments happened last night: those being Dazed and Confused’s super risky cover of “Since I’ve Been Loving You” and Deeper Purple’s “Space Trucking” which was deeper and purpler than any live Deep Purple version I’ve ever heard.

Incidentally, my number one memorable UMC moment is the infamous guillotine beheading of a David Patrone look-alike during the Monsters of Rock Finals set with Bruce Bartley, the singer for Alice and the Cooper Gang, as the executioner

As for Dead Man’s party, no disrespect to you guys; I think you have a spectacular band and your preliminary set was a marvel. Alas, that’s how it goes. Sometimes you play great sets that blow everyone away, and other times you wish somebody would take you out back and shoot you in the head.

Some notes about the finals, the doors open at 6:30 pm, the show starts at 7 pm. Sets are 30 minutes each. Also, please note, it will be standing room only. No seating will be available. Sorry about the inconvenience, but it’s the only way we can legally fit you all in there.

Oh, and we have a lineup order.

1. Radio Karma
2. Damage Inc.,
3. Dazed and Confused
4. Super Magnetic

May I offer a word of advice to each band?

• Super Magnetic – no more James Brown please.
• Dazed and Confused – don’t even think about “Stairway to Heaven”
• Damaged Inc. – Play “Enter Sandman” again and you die! In fact, don’t play any Metallica songs.
• Radio Karma – Lady Gaga medley = zero dollars.

So there you have it – next stop … THE FINALS, which is aptly named since we will finally find out which of the above bands is going to take home 25 thousand dollars, which will take 10k, which will take five thousand, and which unlucky group will be taken out back and shot. I always feel bad for the band that walks away with nothing, but, oh well, welcome to the monkey house.

[Author's note, Hey Ho Let's Go does not suck in the least.]

Judge #3
Ed Decker

Welcome to this week’s Judge’s Blog entry for Ultimate Music Challenge 4. If you have never been here before, please read the Introduction as it has all the pertinent information about judging, scoring, decibel meter readings blog etiquette and so forth.

SPECIAL NOTE - Thanks to Anne Craig for taking over the photography details for Paul Parks. For anyone who would like to see more of her work, or buy 8×10 photos of the bands, you can visit her Facebook page and contact her there if needed.

And now, the winner of Ultimate Music Challenge 4, semis Heat, are…

Radio Karma and Damage Inc.!

Congratulations you perservering rock and rollers and good luck!

Ok, so let’s keep it real shall we? I was not happy with the results last night. And I was quite surprised to boot. There is no way that Radio Karma should have advanced last night.

It’s kind of funny that, on the blog last week, I predicted Radio Karma and Damage Inc. to advance, but I didn’t think it would happen like this.

Karma-dudes, please take this with all the due respect I have for you as a band and as people, but last night’s set was not up to your potential.

The fact is, since we’re keeping it real, none of the bands played up to their potential last night; none of them brought it like they brought it in the past, and this may go down in history as the second most disappointing UMC Semi Finals ever.

Keep in mind, I’m not saying they sucked – these are top tier band, no questions – but none of them exceeded, or even met, our expectations.

Here are the scores. (The audience applause was a 4-way tie, with all the bands pegging the meter, except Radio Karma, who just missed it by a hair).

Total Scores – Definitive
(Includes judges’ scores, crowd categories and penalties)

• Radio Karma – 253.5
• Damage Inc. – 252.5
• PettyBreakers – 249
• Blasphemous Guitars – 245.5
• Ramshackle – 222

Judges’ Picks – Collective
(These are the total scores given by the judges minus any crowd related categories – to determine whom the judges collectively preferred)

• Radio Karma – 202.5
• Damage Inc. – 198
• Pettybreakers – 192.5
• Blasphemous – 192.5
• Ramshackle – 167

Judges’ Picks – Individual
(These are the total scores given by each judge minus any crowd related categories – to determine whom the judges individually preferred)

Dave Patrone

• Radio Karma – 66.5
• Damage Inc. – 65.5
• Pettybreakers – 58.5
• Blasphemous – 56
• Ramshackle – 52

Alicia Champion

• Radio Karma – 70
• Blasphemous – 69
• Damage – 66
• Pettybreakers – 66
• Ramshackle – 55

Ed Decker

• Blasphemous – 67.5
• Damage – 66.5
• Pettybreakers. — 66
• Radio Karma – 64
• Ramshackle – 60

As you can clearly see, I’m the only judge who was not smoking kumquat seeds and huffing roulette wheel grease.

So, what happened?

Well, I was particularly excited to see what Radio Karma was going to do last night. They had played such a gorgeous set in the first round with just one mistake. Granted, it was a monster, but it’s a mistake that could be easily fixed and I was certain they were going to do just that and then blow us away in the Semis.

T’was not the case.

The first two songs, “I Know you Want Me,” and “Hotel Room Service,” both by Pitbull, were sloppy and uninspired. The John Mayer tune, “Waiting on the World” and Maroon 5’s “This Love” were both played adequately, but the set didn’t really get into the groove until “Billy Jean,” which was the highlight, both vocally and musically, and a prime example of the heights to which RK can soar

I thought it was an odd, but bold, choice to go from Michael Jackson to Skynyrd, but I respect dangerous set segues. And man, Reegio’s voice never sounded as beautiful as when he delivered Joan Jett on a shiny, silver platter. But then the set plummeted, thanks, in part, to a badly performed, poorly-structured medley. For instance, just when they lifted the lid off the shiny platter that was “I Love Rock and Roll,” they slammed the cover back on and whisked the platter away. Just a giant tease is all that was. And “We Will Rock You,” would’ve been a great opportunity to kamikaze some vocal dynamics and let the guitar player demonstrate his soloing chops (which we’ve yet to see), but they jumped out of that song so fast it was like Mormon chick jumping out of Ron Jeremy’s hot tub. And putting Huey Lewis (“Power of Love”) in your medley is like adding more water to your simmering bowl of hot water soup. And the “You Shook Me All Night Long,” song was just all wrong, wrong, wrong.

It would’ve been ok, perhaps awesome even, if Reegio had sung the song in his style – which is the rich, lustrous morning call of a delicate songbird — but instead he went for Brian Johnson’s bird of prey rasp – and failed.

So, as much as I love this band, as much as I believe they will clean it up for the Finals and bring us the set that I know they can play, I do not understand how Alicia and Dave could have ranked them over Damage, Petty and Blasphemous.

Speaking of Damage, they too were not as good as their first round, nor was it that solid of a set selection. Still, even when they suck, they don’t suck and I have no problem whatsoever with their promotion into the finals. Congratulations guys.

Ramshackle, my boys, what can I say? I love you the way a person loves his retarded younger brother: with glowing affection, a desire to protect you, but also to encourage you to live and play among the normal people

Ah, but I kid those Ramshackle guys. Here’s what I really want to say: buy yourselves a new drawing board, put together a new, better winning set, practice the crap out of it, bring it back next year, and beat me in the brains with it. I just know in my heart you can bring it like that.

The Pettybreakers also did not “bring it,” to their potential. They certainly weren’t as good as the first time around.  I know my colleagues disagree with that, but then, my colleagues have been smoking kumquat seeds and huffing roulette wheel grease canisters. Their first set was better. It had more energy. Also, it was a mistake to repeat “American Girl” and “Refugee.”

Not everyone agrees with that sentiment. One Pettybreaker fan, let’s call her K., said something interesting after the show. She said, the Pettybreakers, “played 6 songs, two of which were repeats, [yet] got criticized for putting on the same show,” then added, “Other tribute bands are not criticized for repeats.”

To clarify, yes K., only two songs were repeated, but the overall tone and vibe of their set last night was almost identical to the first. That was the problem. Which brings up a relevant point: there is no official position on repeating songs. The way I feel about it, and the other judges seem to agree, is that it’s perfectly legal and reasonable to repeat songs. But they have to repeat the right songs. And, they should bury the repeats within an otherwise utterly different set, which is where I think Pettyb’s went wrong.

Doing “American girl” again was a major mistake, especially in a row. It’s actually risky to play it just once, since it’s one of those songs, like “Smoke on the Water,” that we’ve heard a billion times before and has lost some of its luster. I think they made it work the first time around, revitalized it the way it needed to be revitalized, but not for the second time around. No way could they put the same amount of energy into it, nor could the judges feel that much energy toward it.

There are just so many musically brilliant and popular Petty tunes they could have used to construct a song list that was both, different from the first night’s song list, and also, different from the other songs in last night’s list, thereby giving it the kinds of peaks and valleys necessary for a well structured set.

If I were the King of the PettyBreakers, here’s the set I would have put together…

You start the set with the bang that is “Even the Losers” – a great rocking tune that everyone knows and can sing along with – to get the dancers off their feet and the non-dancers to unclench their buttcheeks. (Alternate option for slot 1: “Don’t Do Me Like That”).

For slot 2, you go for an even bigger bang with “Honey Bee,” a guitar-driven, riff-heavy rhythm and blues rocker that not everyone will know, but to which all will assuredly perk up. (Alternate options for slot 2: “You Wreck Me” and “Change the Locks”).

The Pettybreaker’s played “Breakdown” in slot 3, and it was a great choice because it did exactly what the song says. It broke down the set. (Another excellent option would be “Don’t Come Around Here No More”).

For song 4, you go large again, but not hard-rock large, rather, high-tempo large; a good, fun-time, smile-making large with songs like “Here Comes my Girl”, follow that with a slower, introspective, hold-your-lighter-in-the-air-and-sing-along-like-you-just-don’t-care classic like “Free Fallin’”; close with “The Waiting”  and bam boom bang – yer done! A perfect Tom Petty semi-finals set!

Then in The Finals, you bring back Refugee plus whatever song the crowd liked from the Semis (“The Waiting” perhaps?) add three or four new ones and bop bam shabam! UMC 4 Finals in the bag. 25K, out the door. Goodnight now!

Lastly, the band I looked most forward to seeing, the band that never fails to twist my testicles, Blasphemous Guitars. Although, even they weren’t up to par last night. Particularly Adam’s vocals, which, even on a good night doesn’’t rate with Reegio; but don’t let the low scores fool you, Blasphemous; you were better than what the numbers said. It’s actually all Patrone’s fault. I bought him a non-alcoholic beer last night and the infinitesimal booze content in the thing (.05%), plus the roulette wheel grease canister he’s been huffing, seem to have made our boy with the Stetson lids a little loopy lately.

I say this because he scored you guys astoundingly low in the Showmanship department which, when you think about it, is the essence of what Blasphemous Guitars is – showmanship. As you might know, there are three parent categories on the judges’ scoresheet: Showmanship, Musical Ability and Audience Response. Underneath Showmanship are four subcategories: stage presence, energy, charisma and style. Where I gave Blasphemous a total of 35.5 points in Showmanship (8 for Stage presence,  9 for energy, 9.5 for charisma and 9 for style), Patrone only gave 27 points (that’s a 6 for stage presence, and 7 for the rest).

27 points?! Are you daft!?

That’s 5.5 points less than what Patrone gave Radio Karma for showmanship (32.5), less than what he gave Damage Inc. (31.5), less than what he gave the PettyBreakers (29.5) and a mere 1-point higher than Ramshackle (26).

He also gave very low scores for the vocals, a 6.5, which I get, but c’mon, a 27 in Showmanship? Did you not notice Adam standing on the table right in front of you howling “Fuck you I don’t care if you judge me” like a demon that crawled up from under the casino to see what all the ruckus was about? Dude, if that ain’t showmanship then you can demote me to judging Monday Open Mic nights at the Please Gouge My Ears Out Café right now.

Alicia’s numbers were more sane. She gave Blasphemous a total of 35 in Showmanship, but still gave the showmanship edge to Radio Karma, which is like giving the King Kong the fire-breathing edge against Godzilla in the Ultimate Fighting Octagon.

Yeah, Blasphemous had its musical problems too, and did not live up to its expectations either. The Devil Went Down to Georgie/Der Komissar moshup was funny, but too long. And I think the seque from Kim Carnes (”Queen of Hearts”) to Motorhead (”Ace of Spades”) knocked something loose in my colon. But Blasphemous does stuff we’ve never seen before. They are deconstructionists. They torched everything in site, the contest, the bands, the judges, the crowd – burnt this mother-hugger to the ground – in case any of us were thinking of taking ourselves too seriously.

Look, I’m not saying they definitely should’ve won – but 4^th place? No way. To me, it was between Damage, Pettybreakers and Blasphemous. Any two of those advancing would be ok in my book. Just not Radio Karma, not with that set. How is that possible they came in first, behind Damage? behind Petty and Blasphemous? Was I watching a different Radio Karma set in an alternate universe or were they? Well, one thing’s for sure, Lucy, Ethel! You’ve got some ‘splainin’ to do!”

Last year was one of the more fantastic finales we’ve seen at Ultimate Music Challenge. It was a battle between four UMC heavyweights: Monsters of Rock, who perform hard rock music in a monstrous fashion; Siren’s Crush, a spectacular funk and Motown Unit featuring three irresistible “sirens” at the fore, Don’t Stop Believin’ (a Journey tribute in which we never stopped believing) and Rolling the Stones, a Stones tribute that would make Brian Jones roll in his grave with jealousy.

Going in to the finals, the judges pretty much felt – based on a couple of underachieving sets in the semis by Monsters and The Stones  – that it was going to be a shootout  between Don’t Stop Believing and Siren’s Crush. But that was until Rolling the Stones took the stage. And from the moment they began, well, it was magic.

Here’s what I wrote about that performance on last year’s blog.

From the moment Mick Adams (A.K.A. Mick Jagged) came bounding onto that stage, till their full-band, theater-bow at the end, it was pure rock and roll delight. . .

What a chill-spilling performance, what with Mick gliding back and forth on the stage while the colored girls sang “ooh-ooh” over and over again, and sounding more like a wind instrument (flute perhaps?) than vocals, and “Keith” again, nailing that gorgeous “Sympathy” slop-solo that just spills out of the PA like an upturned bottle of KickAss.

The song list was to die for. They opened with “Brown Sugar,” which was a great, set-launching choice, followed by the spine-tingling “Gimme Shelter” (featuring Sherr Aquino’s oh-so-witchy co-vocals), then “Can’t You Hear Me Knocking,” with that awesome percussion jam at the end, and Jackson Martin (Keith Riffhard)\ nailing Keith’s guitar parts on tone, style and spacing. That was the shit! Or so I thought, until they started playing “Sympathy for the Devil,” and realized that was the shit and the previous shit was just a bit of flatulence in comparison.

Anyway, as I do every year, I interview the winner of the previous Ultimate Music Challenge; mostly because I want to know what they did with the money, but also, to ask what their strategies were, and if they have any advice for current contestants, and to just get inside their heads and see what they were thinking at crunch time.

What follows is an interview with Vince Lupo (A.K.A. Charlie Swatts), Jackson Martin (A.K.A. Keith Riffhard) and some limited commentary from Mick Adams (A.K.A. Mick Jagged) – so, follow along with me, Bloglodytes, as we turn back the clock  and relive the glory of the champions of Ultimate Music Challenge 3, introducing, Rolling the Stones.

THE INTERVIEW

Ed Decker: So, 20 thousand dollars eh? What did you do with the cash?

Vince Lupo: Right out of the chute you ask me this? Really? What did we do with that cash, anyway? We cut it up nine ways (it’s easier to transport that way), set a little aside for a rainy day and held a small victory party months later. Seriously, in this economy, most everyone paid bills, bought food, the usual. Sorry, folks, no wild parties. Next time we promise debauchery to some degree. Our ‘after parties’ are getting a reputation.

Jackson Martin: I told my wife if we won, she would get half of my share, and she did, which was $2000.00. . . The other $1000.00, I pissed away in grand fashion.

Ed: What was your game plan for the contest?

Jackson: Our overall game plan for the UMC was to devastate any competition, shine like the sun, and get our hands on the prestige, glory and cash. We did use some secret weapons which I cannot divulge, but trust me, there are ways of wringing points out of the system.

Vince: Jackson and I started to come up with a game plan the very first night that we were accepted into the competition. I remember that conversation. We felt all along that we could win. After all, you have to have faith in your abilities. As rehearsals rolled along, we started to gel and believe we could indeed win it all. One major strategy was going to all of the shows each Sunday. We took it all in, listened to all the advice/criticism of the esteemed judges and rehearsed all the little nuances that have become a trademark of RTS shows.

Round One and the Semis pretty much went according to plan except for one very important piece of info we found out during the semis. Keith and I noted that one of the groups in the semis repeated a few tunes; we falsely heard that you’d lose judging point for this. We asked Judge #2 [Alicia Champion] about that and found repeats to be well within the bounds of good strategy. Bingo! We repeated a show stopper in the finals which we believe was one of the reasons we finished on top. Then, all heck broke loose when we were announced the winner. What a special moment, exhilarating; thrilling even.

Ed: What has happened to your career AFTER the competition?

Vince: Our first year has become a whirlwind and we owe our start to the UMC! . . . As it turns out, we were being scouted during the shows by agents from both San Diego and Las Vegas which, in turn, led us to our management company, Mirage Tribute Bands. We’ve been told that our star has been rising far more rapidly than is usual by rock & roll industry standards and, in retrospect, we know that’s true to an extent. We’ve been fortunate to be in the right place at the right time, to perform at only the best venues to the best fans ever! An enthusiastic, packed audience at the House of Blues, San Diego. Magical. Five days later an almost sold out legendary Las Vegas Hilton Theater, the house that Elvis built. Billboard, TV, forthcoming magazine article. Overwhelming, almost. Then to be moving about the nation a little starting this summer? Amazing! You’d be pinching yourself as I do every day, my friend.

Ed: What advice do you have for current competing bands?

Vince:

1. It’s a show – put one on.

2. It’s one round at a time, so rehearse 20 minutes of your best material until you’re sick and let go of it after that.

3. In the motto of the Boy Scouts, BE PREPARED! You’ll appreciate it when something goes wrong, and you know something will, right?

4. Put it all out there and hold nothing back. Show the world how bad you want it. Visualize winning it all. Believe.

5. If you think that it’s only about the music so you’re gonna kick ass, you’re mistaken. It’s about putting on an entire show, end to end . . . It’s so important to engage the audience. That’s your job as an entertainer.

Mick: Push the energy level of your performance right thru the roof. Also, even though we were a new band, we wanted to be really confident, to try to stay as relaxed as possible, and not get too rattled by what the judges said.

Jackson: The only advice I have for current bands is this: if you are going to do it, do it right; don’t half-ass it, I mean really go in there with your heart on your sleeve. If you do that and give your absolute best, you win where it counts (holy crap, do I sound like Tony Robbins?). You can say ‘corny’, but I know better; it matters to me what I do and everybody in RTS was the same way going in. All of us gave our all and worked our butts off.

Ed: What were some of the biggest mistakes you’ve seen by bands this year so far?

Jackson: First, several bands that I thought would do well did not appear to take it seriously, did not bring fans or they did not really spend the time putting together a winning set list, along with presentation, and practice enough to insure the delivery that is needed to achieve the level of performance necessary to win. It seems as if there were some bands who were overconfident and took the win for granted.

Ed: Tell me about your last practice. What was going through your heads? What was said? What was argued about? Did it feel right?

Vince: We didn’t have any arguments, which is a stretch for this crew. . .  And, boy, when we were done, I remember saying to myself that was the tightest set we had done. . . We knew what the set was going to be like when we put “Gimme Shelter” back in as a repeat. That’s the tune I was talking about earlier.  Also, do you recall that we did “Can’t You Hear Me Knocking” that night? Believe me, that was a huge risk but we all felt it would show another side of RTS, stretching our limits, not just another Stones bar band. We said at rehearsal that nothing would stop us, we’re gonna win this no matter what, no one has this kind of material left in their arsenal, we still gotta bring the crowd for the noise factor, still have to go full tilt for 30 solid minutes, yadda yadda.

Ed: One of the amazing things about your band is how much you look and act like your counterparts. Not a lot of tribute bands can claim that. Usually they have one, maybe two guys who look like somebody in the band they are tributing. Was this a happy accident, or by design?

Vince: We started as a Stones’ tribute but didn’t think it would grow to these proportions. We’ve noticed that same detail over time; one or two good likenesses. Maybe a Mick or Keith, or Mick and Keith, but not all five!

See, I never thought that I resembled Charlie Watts in a million years. Others saw that. You should have seen the “Ronnie” we had when I auditioned! Blond hair, blue eyes, built. Nothing like Ronnie Wood at all. Another was a lefty. Another wouldn’t do the note-for-note thing. The running gag is, we went through dozens of Ronnies until we met Ozzie who, coincidentally, answered an ad as a background singer. I kept looking at his photo thinking, Hmmmmm, sure looks more like Ron Wood.

[Author’s note – Ozzie Mancinelli has departed from RTS and is currently fronting semifinalist group, The PettyBreakers]

But it all started with Keith and Bill. I came along two months later. We were on our second Mick when we decided to go see another Stones band in Orange County. The guy playing Mick was fantastic! Riveting! But the band lacked everything else. On a second occasion, our Keith —that little social butterfly—approached him, got a phone number, talked two days later and the rest is history.

Ed: Who would win in a cage match to the death between you and your counterparts and why?

Vince: I would beat the real Charlie Watts. Italians know how to fight dirty. Watts would be asleep with da fishes.

Jackson: Keith always carries a knife in his boot. Really. So if they took that away from him, I would kick his wrinkly old ass. Well, I would have to; he would be in there trying to rip my eyeballs out!

Mick: Mick and I would never enter into a cage fight. We’re lovers, not fighters.

Ed: What are the psychological issues of being in a tribute band?

Vince: We can’t blur the lines between reality and fantasy. That would be a danger, wouldn’t it? Gotta keep the identities separate. . . You can’t believe your own smoke and mirrors.  Who you are on stage is not who you are day to day.

Jackson: I don’t have any issues of any kind being in a tribute band, or any cover band; I was made for it. I never liked my originals, or being in an original act. I absolutely love, love, love playing other people’s music, and if you peruse old video of me from past bands, you can see that I love to get it on when I play. It’s not so much what I play, but performing the act itself and doing this job is really an acting job, with some guitar playing along the way.

Ed: What is your opinion of the judging process and the judges themselves? Are they a necessary evil or a cool, fun part of the process? Are they knowledgeable and fair, or inept and unnecessarily cruel?

Vince: The judges continue to prove themselves each show, just like the bands do. We have told you all repeatedly what a tough job that is. Not only is it cool to have immediate feedback but that feedback is usually, with exception, on the money. I don’t see criticism as cruel if the intended party learns from it. Egos occasionally need a slap down.

Mick: Ahhhhhh, the judges.  Since we won, I would have to say they were fabulous and at the same time a necessary evil.  Someone has to do the dirty work!

Jackson: I feel the judging process works. It needs refinement. The audience/noise factor really should be reduced. It would level the playing field between non local bands and the guys from Lakeside with thousands of fans. . . I like the three judge format; it works.

1. David [Patrone] is very no nonsense (he’s a Marine dammit!) and that works. He is also very blue collar in the sense that he is a hard working musician. He is the yin to Ed’s yang, and tends to balance the frivolity of Ed. He also surprises me (don’t judge a judge by its cover) with his extensive knowledge of the music scene, history, and its genres.

2 Alicia [Champion] is a much more liberal judge, this is reflected in her scores, although she tends to be more critical vocally, more bark than bite if you will. I am biased about her, because she is a woman, and she’s hot (damn I love an accent on a hot woman). I feel Alicia will, every once in a while, wield her extensive knowledge in a blackjack fashion, but it is her prerogative and she does have the information bank to back it up.

3. Ed [Decker], well, what can we say about Ed (that someone has not muttered under their breath, or publicly lamented in the men’s room at Viejas)? Ed is a horse of a different color, the only non-musician of the trio. He does have what I consider a crucial ingredient for his job, a true love of music. It’s almost as if he represents the fans themselves, and I bet a few of the blogsters will cringe at that comment. Ed does tend towards the comedic relief in the group, and he can sling an offensive comment around like a scythe swung at harvest time, and yet, he feels the music, takes it seriously . . .  and whether he has purposely assumed the role of unofficial leader or not, it is his and he does it well. All in all, the judges are critical (had to say it) to the process, and make it fun as well as valid.

Ed: What’s next for the band?

Vince: Wish I could say that we’re releasing our next album or that we’re going on an international tour and raking in millions of dollars. Ha. Looks like we’re slowly but surely turning this thing into a full time opportunity so we’re about to go into the real estate business. By that I mean we’re heading into markets where our competition has a foot hold and, little by little, taking their towns away.

“Hello Cleveland!”

It sure looks like we’re headed to Atlantic City and New York City real soon, a thrill for me as a native New Yorker. Coast to coast and some international travel seems to be on the horizon, too, but one thing at a time. A friend of mine said the truest words ever, “Just enjoy the ride.”

Welcome to this week’s Judge’s Blog entry for Ultimate Music Challenge 4. If you have never been here before, please read the Introduction as it has all the pertinent information about judging, scoring, decibel meter readings, wild card voting, blog etiquette and so forth.

Once this Blog has been posted (3:30pm) you will have 12 hours to vote for your wildcard choice.

SPECIAL NOTE - Thanks to Anne Craig for taking over the photography details for Paul Parks. For anyone who would like to see more of her work, or buy 8×10 photos of the bands, you can visit her Facebook page and contact her there if needed.

Finally, Happy Memorial Day everybody! Let’s take a moment to remember what Memorial Day means before getting into the relative insignificance of a music contest.

Insert Moment of Silence for dead or wounded soldiers here…

I, for one, am aware of the fact that while we have the luxury of coming out to Viejas every Sunday to see these awesome bands battle it out for significant booty, real soldiers are fighting real battles in far away lands so we don’t have to.

THANKS!

And now, the winner of the final week of the Ultimate Music Challenge 4, preliminary rounds – and last entry into Heat 2 of the Semi-Finals, not counting the Wild Card winner, which will be announced shortly — is . . .

Old School!

Congratulations you Air-Supply-Medley-Playing-Yet-Somehow-Not-Pissing-Me-Off rock and rollers. Third time is a charm, eh?.

Speaking of third time and charming, I know what you’re thinking my beloved (though somewhat insane) Bloglodytes. I’ve been doing this long enough to know in advance which conspiracy theory will enter those jaded brains of yours. In this case, you’re thinking that, because Old School tried and failed twice before, the judges gave them the sympathy vote this time around.

To be honest, this is a conspiracy theory that isn’t all that farfetched.  Not that any of the judges would ever consciously do such a thing, but you never know what the subconscious mind is capable of. And, it’s no secret that we were rooting for Old School. At least, Alicia and I were. They are really swell fellows and have played UMC so many times now; they’ve become family. They’re like that loser cousin whom everyone in the family loves, but keeps blowing his money on get-rich-quick schemes so you feel bad for him and help him out financially from time to time.

I could totally see how people might think the judges would throw a little charity in Old School’s direction. Of course, we would never consciously give them the Loser Cousin Vote, but I could see how the judges’ subconscious minds might justify it. Naturally, I was aware of this going into the show. To combat that problem, I did not compare their scores (like I usually do) to consciously pick a winner. Instead, I did it blindly. I just put the numbers down that I felt each band deserved in each category and handed them in without tallying them.

Suffice to say, I was anxious to crunch the numbers this morning with the hopes that they would prove no conspiracy – conscious or subconcisous – occurred. It is my belief that the numbers have exonerated us. Let’s see if you agree.

Total Scores – Definitive
(Includes judges’ scores, crowd categories and penalties)

• Old School – 267.5
• INXS-ive – 253.5
• White Trash – 243.5 (-5 for time penalty)
• Queen Divas – 223.5
• Crosstown – 205

Crowd Noise
(Which bands the crowd preferred via db meter, from loudest to lowest)

1. Old School (shocker!)
2. White Trash a Go-Go
3. Queen Divas of the Universe (Tied for third)
4. Crosstown (Tied for third)
5. INXS-ive

Judges’ Picks – Collective
(These are the total scores given by the judges minus any crowd related categories – to determine who the judges collectively preferred)

• Old School 210.5
• INXS – 209.5
• White Trash – 201.5
• Queen Divas – 178
• Crosstown 160.5

Judges’ Picks – Individual
(These are the total scores given by each judge minus any crowd related categories – to determine who the judges individually preferred)

Richard

• Old School – 68.5
• White Trash – 67
• INXS – 65
• Crosstown – 55.5
• Divas – 55

Alicia

• INXS – 72
• Old School – 70
• White Trash – 68
• Divas – 61
• Crosstown – 53

Ed

• INXS – 72.5
• Old School – 72
• White Trash – 66.5
• Queen Divas – 61
• Crosstown – 52

So, what do the numbers tell us?

They tell us that even though the judges collectively picked Old School, two of the three judges individually picked INXS-ive. The only judge to score Old School highest was Richard, the guest judge, who had never seen Old School before, doesn’t know who they are and has no motive, consciously or subconsciously, to give them the Loser Cousin Vote.

It also tells us that it pays to pay for a party charter. That’s what Old School did; they carted their fans over on a booze-bus, gave them kazoos and made them part of the performance.

Absolutely brilliant.

Not only did that earn higher points in the showmanship categories, but it won them the crowd noise category as well. Crowd noise was a huge factor this time. Old School received 10 points (on each judge’s sheet) while INXS-ive received 7 points. That’s 3 enormous points per sheet, or 9 points total.

Keep in mind, the edge that Alicia and I collectively gave INXS-ive was 2.5, so the 9 points the crowd gave Old School rendered Alicia and I obsolete. (Note to bands playing semis – this party bus business is something to consider).

Oh, and why did I give INXS-ive the higher score even when INXS music makes my gonads blister? Well, because they did what a tribute band is supposed to do: they emulate their prototype. And they certainly did that. From the look, moves and voice of the lead vocalist, who clearly worked on his Michael Hutchence imitation, to the band as a whole – their tones and nuances – it was an extraordinary, almost flawless performance.

Old School, on the other hand, had minor flaws here and there, but I rocked out to them in ways I could never rock out to an INXS tribute. And yes, it is true, I was overjoyed to learn Old School had won – for the simple fact that I get to listen to more cool songs by a fun, great band and won’t have to hear songs like “The One Thing” or “Listen Like Thieves” (which should’ve been titled “The Dumb Thing” and “Listen Like Cheese” respectively).

Some Random Notes About the Contest.

White Trash: You guys were a musical monster truck rally in progress! I loved you from the first note. One of my new favorite moments of the UMC4 was when you played Boston’s “Foreplay” ( the majestic instrumental that precedes “Long Time”). It was a bummer about the vocals in “Long Time,” but the set was a blast regardless.

Later that night, at the V-Lounge, over a round of Rumplemintz, the singer told me he usually nails the vocals on “Long Time,” but from the minute he opened his mouth, he thought, “Uh-oh – this ain’t gonna go well.”

I believe that. He just seemed too smart to perform a song he didn’t think he could pull off, especially when it was clear he could nail so many other tunes. If it is true, I’d like to see them try that one again.

Queen Divas: I have to say, I was very worried for you guys during “Honky Tonk Woman,” and the beginning of “Piece of My Heart,” but the latter half of the set was gangbusters. Never in a million years did I think you were going to make those harmonies work, what with the utterly different types of voices you have. Maybe next time a little more lead vocals from the keyboardist? She’s lovely.

Crosstown: You guys aren’t bad. Just work on your dynamics. And singer-babe – this is not meant to be snide, but, perhaps some vocal lessons? More time in rehearsal? However you do it, you need to get more control over that bucking bronco voice of yours. It’s very powerful but needs some structure and discipline. Also, stop marching around the stage and start gliding. The way a front-man (or woman) moves is essential. Improve those two things and you will graduate  from average cover singer to thundering front-mama in no time.

Time Penalty: This is the second time a band has played over their alotted 20 minutes (approximately 23)  and like before, thankfully, it didn’t matter. But I’m telling you guys, one of these days, a band is gonna come in here, and they’re gonna go long, and we’re gonna whack ‘em for five points, and those five points will be all the difference. And now that we’re headed into the semi-finals, well, there’s just too much money on the line. It would break my heart of one of these most awesome bands gets knocked out because of a time foul.

Crowd Chatter During Judges’ Comments: I hear that the guys from Old School were going around the room hushing their fans during the judges’ comments. I think that’s really great. The Old School fans have a reputation now for being somewhat rude and chatty during the comments (the downside to a party bus I guess) and the band did a great job reminding them about that part of the show.

Look, I’m not anti-Old School fan. I fully understand the situation: You’re in a bar having fun, spirits are flowing, all your friends are there and it has probably been weeks since you’ve seen each other. You want to talk but there are three know-it-alls blathering musical jargon about a band you don’t care about.

I get that.

However. There is something else to consider. It’s called “other people.”

I don’t bring this up because  what we have to say is sooo important that you absolutely must listen to us. I don’t care if you don’t listen to us. Just don’t talk over us. Not because it’s rude to the judges (though there’s that), but because it’s rude to the other attendees, the ones who are interested in hearing what three know-it-alls have to say to a band about which they do care.

I can’t tell you how often people come up to the judges’ table to complain that they can’t hear what’s being said. We have tried different things, but it ultimately comes down to you guys. It’s just a matter of common respect, which we’re going to need because here come the semis, which means bigger crowds and louder chatter.

So, maybe we should all work together to spread the word. Perhaps the remaining bands can follow the Old School lead and politely ask their fans to simmer down during the commentaries, maybe in an email blast before the show. I think if we all take ownership of this we could actually see results. Just a thought, you know I love you – yes, even you Old School fans.

Well, there you go, the regular season of UMC4 has ended. ONWARD SEMI-FINALS. I simply cannot wait!

Ed Decker
Judge #3